Mothering the mother in ALL circumstances: doulas and cesareans

I recently had the opportunity to do a consultation with a mother who is considering hiring a doula for her medically necessary scheduled C-section. Being me, I fear that I might have barraged her with a garrulous deluge of overinformation, but the interest was definitely there, and a good connection was made. (It would be a new experience for me, too, so my eager enthusiasm may have added to the overload.) Hopefully she'll be able to process what we talked about in her own time, along with the folder full of printouts I gave her.

So, what ARE the advantages of having a doula present at a cesarean, especially a planned one? As I wrote in the previous post on cesareans and birth plans, isn't the whole idea to use them (plans and doulas) to avoid having cesareans in the first place?

Yes and no. It's true that a woman seeking a natural or minimally interventive childbirth is doing herself a great favor by seeking out doula support. But A) There are, of course, rare times when complications can arise, even in a well-supported normal birth, and a cesarean truly is a lifesaving situation. Should the doula pack her bags and take off at that point? Of course not. She probably will not be allowed in the OR if the father is present, but there are other ways she can continue to be of great service, as I'll discuss in a moment.

And B) On a broader note, doulas are there to enhance ALL birth experiences for all women, and priority one is to support mom's own choices, helping her to achieve her own goals. The mission statement for doulas is often summarized as, simply, "mothering the mother". Yes, of course we do everything we can, within reason and within mom's parameters, to help her avoid a cesarean if she doesn't want one (and most women hiring doulas obviously don't), but we are not just vaginal-exit-only cheerleaders. This seems more obviously logical if the need for a c-section arises out of a spontaneous labor, but though it's rarer, there's no reason a doula would not be valuable, in some different ways as well as some very much identical ways.

So, then, what are some of the specific things a doula can provide to a mother having a cesarean? Let's say for the sake of argument that this needs to be a scheduled event (though much of it applies regardless). I would say there are three primary advantages to having a doula in this situation.

First of all, a doula can help the mother develop a birth plan that makes the absolute most out of the situation. The choices will have to be approved by the doctor and hospital, of course, but as I wrote in my post on c-section birth plans, there are actually a multitude of choices to be made. Some of those choices may be brought up by your doctor, but many others may not - they might even be new to him or her, and there are good doctors out there who are willing to try new things and learn and grow in their practice. Check out that post for a detailed discussion of the options available. The same doula can educate the parents about the whole overall process as well, if their doctor isn't able to take as much time explaining things as they'd like.

Secondly, it is a truth that more babies born via cesarean may have to spend some time in the NICU. Should that happen, typically the father will go with the baby - leaving mom alone and unsupported. The delivery of the baby, once everyone is prepped and ready, only takes a few minutes (5-15, depending on circumstances), but putting mom back together again takes significantly longer, generally 45 minutes to an hour, and that's assuming there are no complications. This can be a very difficult time for mom if her baby has been taken away, and having the doula step in for emotional support and companionship can make a huge difference.

The third major advantage is helping to get breastfeeding established. This is more challenging for moms in terms of positioning, even for experienced mothers with existing children, and can be particularly confounding for a first-time mom who is learning to nurse for the first time. Milk can also take a bit longer to come in (remember, though, 3 to 5 days is perfectly normal), and sometimes cesarean babies can be sleepy due to medication. If the baby is having to stay in the NICU, a doula can help mom to get pumping right away, establishing her supply and providing the baby with the best possible nourishment for him or her. All of these extra challenges are much easier to face with doula support.

Now, there are definitely some L&D nurses who are very good with breastfeeding, but, it must be said, there are sadly some who are not. Many a breastfeeding relationship has been sabotaged by hospital practices, even with an uncomplicated vaginal birth. And even the nurses who are good can be in short supply if you happen to be there on a particularly busy day. Same goes for actual lactation consultants. Some hospitals have them, but availability (and quality, too) can be limited.

Those, as I said, are the big ones. There are a lot of other little things that a doula can help with along the way - guiding both mom and dad through the admissions process; helping mom relax during the prep for surgery, including the epidural or spinal (a big fear for a lot of women); taking pictures as much as is desired and possible; keeping communication going between parents if they are separated by a NICU stay, and keeping mom up-to-date on baby's status; establishing skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible, which can be difficult if mom is having trouble with uncontrollable shaking from the anesthesia; running interference with relatives if needed, even running errands for the parents.

But hold on here, are you even allowed to have a doula in the operating room? In some cases, no. If the need for one arises during labor, it's true that it is very unlikely that a second support person will be allowed, though the doula can be standing by should dad have a hard time with the procedure or become ill or pass out - rare, but it does happen. (The other advantages of doula support still remain.) But if it is a scheduled cesarean, it is possible that special arrangements can be made in advance. As doula Rachel Wickersham explains:

Though it is possible your caregiver may initially be resistant to the idea of a doula in surgery with you and your partner, you may be able to convince him or her of the possible benefits to you - especially if you work with a doula who attended at least a few. And this may not be as far fetched as it may seem. I know of at least one practice in which there are doulas who specialize in cesarean.

I came across one mother's story of how invaluable her doula Shelly was for her own cesarean birth at Fort Wayne Doula Network. After attempts to turn Alison's breech baby via external version were unsuccessful, the family reluctantly decided to proceed with a C-section.

Shelly was very sympathetic and reassuring to us both. Mostly without words. Which we appreciated. She and Doug left the room while they prepped me for surgery. When they came back we made sure Shelly had her camera. Although we cried through the c-section a little it was very exciting too.

From the moment they got the baby's little bottom out Shelly started snapping pictures and showing them to me so I felt more a part of what was going on instead of so disconnected. It was great to have Doug and Shelly there so one person could be with me and one with the baby at all times until I joined him in the recovery room. She also unlatched my arm to touch the baby better after my pitiful attempts to stroke his little head while restrained for the surgery.


Shelly was intregal in getting me nursing the baby within 40 minutes of birth (not bad for a c-section!) She continued "nursing" Doug back to health a little bit by getting him what he needed and also helping out so he could get to the post partem room to rest for a bit. I was wheeled to my room with my sweet baby latched on and nursing like a pro!

Once we were settled in our room for a little bit Shelly asked if it would be ok timing for her to slip out for a bite to eat and to develop the pictures. When she returned she had an album of all the pictures she'd taken. I cried as I flipped through them... I would continue flipping through them MANY times over the next few weeks until I had memorized them so it actually felt like my memories instead of the actual memories I had of trying so hard to see everything and be a part of it while my baby was so far away at the little bassinet as they measured and treated him (the whole time he's just wailing for Mama)

I can't describe how much it meant having Shelly there. I am trying to in this email, and I tried to when I wrote her a thank you note after coming home from the hospital. But she was much more than a doula to me that day. She was a mother figure that I so needed. She filled that role when I needed it most. She was concerned for me and excited for me and I felt as if I'd always known her. She was truly the only advocate I really felt I had that day with me. My midwife was not able to be there during the c-section, and Doug was still kind of coming around and trying to get to feeling better himself. It was a very emotional day- but thanks to Shelly and her support the deliriously joyful emotions outweighed the negative. I had a happy, healthy (Big) boy and was well cared for with my medical needs.

Shelly helped give me memories by taking pictures of what I otherwise would not have seen. I can't tell you the value of that. It's priceless. I wonder if a doula isn't maybe even more needed w/ a c-section than a normal labor/birth- for the emotional side of it anyway. Even though it's such a shorter period of time. I guess everyone's experience is different. Shelly helped make the overtones of the day very happy. I just don't know how many different ways I can say it.

Two other great pieces I've found online do a great job of explaining the value of doulas with C-sections: Doula for a Cesarean Birth, by Robin Elise Weiss and the aforementioned "Is it worth hiring a doula if I'm going to have a C-section? by Rachel Wickersham.

Did a doula help you during your C-section? Have you been a doula at cesarean births? Please share your stories!

UPDATE: Make sure you check out the video about the "Natural Cesarean", a piece that began circulating after this post was originally published. The demand for this approach definitely seems to be growing!

Training Your Team

I received this question from lovely reader Hilary:

I'm pregnant with my third, planning my first natural birth. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on. My husband is super supportive and reads whatever I ask him to. I'm thinking of having my two sisters, who are my best friends, in the room with me as part of my labor support team.

The only problem is, it's not like my husband or either of my single sisters has experienced a natural labor either, so I don't know how to prepare them to help. Are there books/videos/websites you'd recommend to help them prepare for the experience, possibly with some suggestions of things they can do to help? Thanks!

Hilary, congratulations! First, so glad that you're reading voraciously, and that your husband is so willing to absorb the knowledge, too. That's the ticket, girl. My first question is where you're planning to give birth. For the purpose of this post, I'm going to assume you'll be in a hospital setting. Much of the information will still apply if you're in an independent birth center or home, but I just wanted to note it for certain.

Okay, onward: The two best books for your whole team to read, IMO, are "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin, and "Your Best Birth" (the link to which is on my sidebar there). The former is just essential, does a fantastic job of explaining the stages of labor, and is very manageable. The latter is written in a way that it's addressed to the mother, but it would be very helpful for them to read through, particularly if you're in a hospital setting. It explains typical interventions, procedures and protocols in a wonderfully accessible way. The related website My Best Birth is also very helpful.

Another classic book that's terrific for labor supporters of all kinds is "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" by Susan McCutcheon. Like "The Birth Partner", it also breaks down the stages and processes of birth and addresses supportive techniques (it's assumed it will be the husband, as the original term for the Bradley Method is "Husband-Coached Childbirth", but could really apply to anyone). It also discusses various common interventions, how to fend them off and otherwise cope with a hospital setting. Though it is coming from the perspective of a specific 'technique', the lessons are very useful for anyone in a supportive role. Admittedly, this came out a while ago, and" Your Best Birth" is the most up-to-date of the three (by far), but the core information in them all is still helpful.

Next, are you attending a childbirth class? I would recommend an independent class, as in, not the one that the hospital offers - or at least, not ONLY that one. (Here's 9 reasons why.) It could be Hypnobabies, or the aforementioned Bradley Method, or Birthing From Within, or a more comprehensive class that uses a little bit of everything. Look around and see what appeals to YOU the most, and what's available in your area. What might be key is seeing if you could bring your sisters with you to some or all the classes - check with the instructors to see what's kosher, of course, but having them fully committed, informed, and on the same page as you would be a great bonus if at all possible.

As for videos, I do think y'all should have a "Business of Being Born" movie night if you haven't already! My next recommendation for you all to watch together, preferably with these handy printed PDFs, is the videos for Lamaze's 6 Healthy Birth Practices. I cannot think of a more succinct, clear, straightforward and current set of videos for just such a situation. These 6 Practices can seriously make ALL the difference if they're fully put into practice. Here's a sample, the video for the third Healthy Practice:



But then, of course, you're going to want to watch some actual births. Looking on YouTube for "natural birth" and "home birth" actually yields a lot of great examples, if not full-length instructional films. I of course cannot sing the praises of this collection of older videos from France enough. Other birth professionals out there, especially childbirth educators, do you have favorite films for your clients? Do share!

Now. ALL that said, being me, I still have to plug the option of a doula, even with your wonderful support system, for many of the reasons that I laid out in this post. As loving and devoted as your team may be, you stated that this is the first natural experience for all three of them, and sometimes having an experienced pro who knows the ropes can make the difference when the going gets rough. I say that not to cast doubt on the intentions or the abilities of your team, because with all three there and working harmoniously, you're going to be well-cared for. I just have to include it as another option.

Oh, come on, now, Anne, wouldn't it be overkill with three people already helping? Okay, assuming those people are very well-prepared as per the above, yes, it's possible, but there are still legitimate reasons to consider it. I just gotta throw it out there.

I hope you'll report back here about your experience, both in preparation and in execution (egad, what an awful way to refer to the birth of a child, please forgive me), and I wish you and your team the very, very best!

Weekend Movie: Taye Diggs, his "Warrior" . . .

. . . and the emergence of his "Inner Gangster".

This is actually from back in October, but if you haven't seen these clips, I thought they were well worth sharing, since we were discussing fathers and doulas just the other day. Here, Taye Diggs discusses the recent birth of his son on Jimmy Kimmel. I just love how amazed and reverent and loving he sounds about the whole experience. He even discusses placenta encapsulation! (Or, as Kimmel hilariously calls the placenta, "the big gross follow-up baby".)




Side note: NOW I remember where I learned that they use cream cheese for vernix on in TV births! I was racking my brain on that one the other day. Also note: Taye and Jimmy were confused as to the origin of the word "doula". It's actually adopted from the Greek, meaning, simply, "woman who serves".

And a similar, shorter appearance on Ellen. (When he refers to a "midwife lady", he actually means the doula, it was just a slip.)



I think he deserves major credit for talking about all this openly, and also for managing to do it with humor but WITHOUT resorting to a lot of the lazy, hackneyed, husband-disgusted-by-childbirth cliches we've all come to take for granted in the media over the years. Congrats again, Taye and Idina. Hope little Walker is doing stupendously!

Fathers and partners and doulas, oh my!

The blogger known as Baby Making Machine is prolifically sharing her pregnancy experience, and much to her credit, she is asking a lot of questions about everything, including birth. One of the topics that has come up for her is to doula or not to doula, and she blogged about one specific, lovable, handsome "doula dilemma": namely, her husband.

He had a few arguments I tried to take into consideration: 1. Doulas are for rich people. 2. I want to help, I want to be your doula (or my "dulla oblongata," as he jokes).

The first argument, while I can see his point isn't necessarily true. To him, if we can make it through labor like many of our family and friends have without one, why spend the money? "Having someone you pay there to help is something rich people do." Well... Many doula's I've found in my area don't have rates on their sites because they work with people to set the right price on an individual basis. Most I've found prices for seem to range from the $200-$1500s but I hear some are in the $2000s, depending on location, experience, services, etc. Most of my friends seem to either have a friend and get one for free, or paid about $300-$600. Everyone has said it's worth every penny.

Now, looking at those numbers my husband says no way. He's rather use that money on things for the baby, or classes, books and material we can take together to be prepared for labor. But I heard you can get doula's who are getting certified and need live births to help you for free! I wrote to my local DONA lady to get the list of women in my area who will be certifying over the next year so I can contact them about helping me out. I told my husband this and he was a little hurt that I was so insistent on this. Which brings me to the next point... Him wanting to help.

I've read great articles and posts here and there about doula's helping husbands know how to help their wives, but he really wants to be the primary support. He really hasn't had a strong opinion about too many things in this pregnancy process unless I pry, so having him out and tell me how he really feels about it made me think again. He told me he wants to take classes with me and learn how to help me through it, but he doesn't want someone with us 24/7 and "taking his place." I can even picture him shying away because there's an extra woman there, and not wanting to help as much... If I had other help.

This is something that comes up for other women, too, so I thought it was worth addressing at some length. I started out just responding to her blog, soon realizing it was definitely a reply-turned-post, and then I couldn't get my comment to appear on her page at all due to some bogus HTML issue, so I just threw it all up here, period. Hope this is helpful to FutureMama (as she goes on Twitter) and to any other mom out there with a reluctant partner.

Again, kudos for taking such a thoughtful approach. I can already sense that this might be a reply-turned-post . . .

I want to briefly echo what Mommy Bee said about epidurals: I completely respect your right to make an informed choice, but do be aware that just because you've decided you want one does not guarantee that you will get one, or that when you do get it it will work, so the need to be prepared and to have support is just as valid even if you feel an epidural will likely be part of your birth experience. There are all kinds of benefits to laboring for quite a good ling time without one, reasons having less to do with the effects of the drugs on the baby and more to do with the effective progress of dilation and with optimal positioning of the baby for birth. As you'll learn when you go through childbirth ed classes and/or read further on your own, the baby's position in your pelvis is key, and the more movement and versatility of position you can bring to your labor the better. Doulas are experts here.

And let's say you labored a good long time without an epidural, and then decide to go ahead and get one. It's not like it's just Game Over at that point: there are still so many decisions to be made, and you have a say in every. single. one of them. Are you going to receive Pitocin as well? If so, how much and how quickly? What about AROM? What about episiotomies? There are so many choices to be informed about. (Do read "Your Best Birth" if you haven't already! It breaks the whole cascade of interventions down masterfully and easily. Immensely readable.) Due to her experience and education, a doula can be vital in keeping abreast of your goals and preferences, and help you ask all the right questions. She helps you advocate for yourself.

As for whether a doula is desirable if you aren't necessarily going for a 100% natural birth, my honest opinion is absolutely. Even if you have a c-section, a doula can be a godsend in dealing with hospital personnel and procedures and protocols. Marfmom's experience is a good example of this. I actually have an upcoming post planned for my own blog on exactly this topic, as inspired by a Twitter conversation the other day: how doulas benefit cesarean birth experiences.

Anyway, I can understand why your husband feels so strongly that he wants to be the primary support - and he ultimately will be, either way! But others here have given good examples of situations where, for all their good intentions, their partners were unprepared for the reality of the hospital setting. No matter how much they read (and if he does do a lot of reading, that is AWESOME and all the better, I don't mean to discount that; some husbands can't even manage that) and how attentive they are in a childbirth ed class, many of them become deer in headlights when faced with the White Coat of Authority suggesting something you both know you don't really want. At those moments, mothers sometimes lose their former allies to fear, and suddenly the man who had been their rock and their solace is now saying "Well, honey, maybe we should just do _____ after all; he IS the doctor . . ."

I'm not saying this WILL be the case with your husband - he really does sound like a peach. But some of the other husbands caught off-guard were wonderful guys, too - it's just a completely foreign experience for them, navigating the thorny maze of hospital protocol.

And this is where doulas are trained and experienced and prepared. It's not just about knowing back massage techniques, offering sips of Recharge, repeating affirmations with you, helping you walk around, bounce on the birth ball or relax in the tub, though those are all useful too. It's about helping both of you make your way through this sterile, high-tech, foreign land.

That brings me to the other point I wanted to mention. You are becoming a mother that day, and that, along with bringing this new being into existence, is the main attraction, of course. But your husband will also undergo a transformation that day. He is becoming a father. As much as he intends to be there for you, he is, by definition, also having his own experience of birth. This is a good thing! And he can still support you, and can still make attending to your needs at the top of his priority list. But the fact remains that a doula is the only person who is 100% there only for you and your support. This takes some of the pressure off your husband. Space has now been created for him to both share this experience with you AND have his own experience of transformation. He will still be your rock and your solace - and he can now breathe a little easier, knowing that someone is there to help you both advocate for your needs.

I hope that came across with compassion - it was meant to. It's truly hard for men to admit that they need help sometimes, especially when it's help in an area that they feel they SHOULD be responsible for. Often they insist on being the sole supporter simply because they think they should be, when in reality they might not feel comfortable once they're actually in the situation. When this is questioned, they can feel their authority threatened, even when they know, rationally, that this isn't really the case. I say let's give the guys a break!

As for the notion that doulas are for rich people, I wholeheartedly disagree that good care and support should only be reserved for the wealthy. This is why doulas have been fighting to be covered by insurance, and are finally starting to succeed, and why many doulas will work on a sliding scale, and why there are organizations providing doula support to low-income mothers in some areas (this is not available everywhere YET, obviously, but you'd better believe we're working on it). And even when none of the above apply, doulas in the certification process will work for free or close to it.

One final question: Labor can last a long time. Ask him how long can he go without using the bathroom. If for NO OTHER REASON than filling in for him so you won't be left abandoned when he needs to pee, you deserve to have this.

:^)

To wrap up: I second (or third, or whatever) the notion of interviewing a few to see who you mesh with, and I agree that it's a good idea to let them know of your husband's ambivalence in advance. If they're experienced doulas, they've addressed this before, I assure you.

And one last idea on cost: if you don't find someone who is in the process of certifying (which I am SURE you can, if you decide to go that route), you could also consider putting it on your registry, so to speak. I can think of no better shower gift, myself (unless it's a postpartum doula). There just might be someone in your life who would be happy to provide such a boon to you. Why not put it out there?