Thursday, July 30, 2009

"Hi, my name is Anne, and I'm a Birth Junkie."

Everyone else: "Hi, Anne!"

I found this revealing If you _____, you might be a _______ list from Woman to Woman Childbirth Education (circuitously as usual, via Enjoy Birth's response in kind on her own blog). So I'll follow Enjoy Birth's cue with my own answers in bold:

You might be a Birth Junkie…

  • if you blog about birth (more than just your own birth for historical purposes) or if your birth story is at least two pages long Check and check.
  • if you failed math, but can quickly convert grams to pounds and ounces (approximately) Not quite there yet, but it's a goal. I did get my only D ever in math (that memorable report card was 4 A's and a D), so -partial credit?
  • if you can say “vagina” in a sentence without blushing Oh please. Of course.
  • if you can correctly use “os” in a sentence Are you kidding? I love the wizard of os! (Okay, that was horrible. Yes, I can. Ahem: The opening to the cervix is called the os. See?)
  • if you can’t remember who won any gold medals for the US in the last Olympics, but you know US statistics for maternal and infant mortality, and the national C-section rate (bonus points if you know your local hospital(s) epidural, induction, and C-section rates) — if you’re not from the US, insert your own country Last I checked we were at a 31.8% national average c-section rate, and were about 27th on infant mortality (i.e. dead last in the industrialized world). Don't know the local rates at the moment. As for the Olympics, I heard something about some bong-smoker . . .
  • if you can list the mother-friendly and baby-friendly guidelines from memory, and know which hospital in your area (if any) fulfills those goals Not totally from memory, but I could probably do a fill-in-the-blank. I do remember hearing that the local ones do NOT pass muster, sadly.
  • if you can recite the midwifery model of care Well, I could pick it out of a lineup.
  • if when you’re discussing something related to birth, you receive those polite but puzzled looks… right before your conversation partner moves away I totally recognize the glaze-over, usually shortly before the inching-away.
  • if you see a circle about 4″ big, and you think “that’s fully dilated” I will now!
  • if you have birth-related artwork somewhere in your house (includes placenta pictures and belly casts, etc.) This I do not, but I regret it.
  • if you currently have or ever did have a placenta in your freezer I have one right this very moment. Plus a lotta breastmilk.
  • if you have ever consumed placenta Nay, but next time, if there is one, I'd like to do the encapsulation thing. Chowing down on placenta chili is just a wee bit much for me, though I would consider it my doula honor to make it for a client! My veggie chili did get me onto the Food Network briefly, after all. (This is actually true.)
  • if you have a model of a pelvis, uterus, or some other female organ Dang it, no, but I totally covet one.
  • if you always keep honey sticks on hand It's already on my list for my doula bag. Plus my homemade "Larabars".
  • if you’ve ever gone to the bookstore and hidden “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” (or some other similar non birth-junkie book) and replaced it with some pro natural-birth book Okay, I haven't actually *hidden" WTEWYE, but I have moved "Pushed" to more prominent spots. I HAVE hidden "Babywise" though. And I'd do it again! Though I now think placing little cards inside with the link to ezzo.info is probably the best bet. Making up those cards has been on my to-do list for a while.
  • if other women get tired of telling you their birth stories before you get tired of hearing them Oh yeah. Especially on my favorite message boards.
  • if you have a library (or would love to acquire one) of birth-related books and videos This I do.
  • if you have 10 or more birth-related videos saved to your account on YouTube Not quite 10, but almost.
  • if you appear on any YouTube (any internet) video talking about birth, in labor, or giving birth (picture montages count) Not really, though there is a picture of me looking exasperated in the birth tub out there in a few spots.
  • if at least half of the blogs you regularly read are birth-related Oh, way more than half! It's either birth, cooking, or hilarious cakes gone wrong.
  • if someone tells you she “had to have” a particular intervention and you can come up with several alternatives that were never mentioned to her (bonus points if she doesn’t get mad or defensive) I am not quite so bold yet. I'm very good at sharing that info if the mom is seeking it, though.
  • if you refuse to play the “my birth was worse than your birth” game Totally.
  • if you feel like you know your fellow online birth junkies (even though you’ve never actually met them) better than you know some of your flesh-and-blood friends A few of them, fer sher.
  • if ten or more of your Facebook friends (or other equivalent) are people you’ve never actually met but know them through birth-related functions (blogs, email lists, etc.) Again, not quite 10, but getting up there.
  • if you’ve ever gone to a birth conference I can dream, can't I?
  • if you’ve ever emailed, mailed or called your state or national representatives about a birth-related matter YES!
  • if someone tells you her baby is breech and you give her names (bonus points if you know phone numbers) of chiropractors skilled in the Webster technique or people who can perform moxibustion I have, once so far! once I start work, I'll always know the best for both in whatever are I'm in. I'd add the best IBCLC to that referenc list too.
  • if you know what counterpressure is and how to apply it (bonus points if you’ve done it) Check! *cracks my LMT knuckles*
  • if you know what a rebozo is (bonus points if you’ve used one) I do, though I've not used one in labor yet. I was wondering recently if I could use my un-ringed Maya Wrap for this.
  • if you encourage your children, especially young children, to watch birth videos When she gets old enough to understand what she's seeing (she's 15 months), you better believe it.
  • if you can get hoarse from watching TV birth shows (like A Baby Story), because you’re yelling through the screen at the woman or her care providers Oh. I'm like a soccer hooligan. Shameful really.

And finally

  • if you regularly read this blog, you know you’re a birth junkie! Ta-dah!

Try it yourself! And remember, admitting you have a problem is always the first step. Keep coming back - it works if you work it.

1 comment:

  1. HAHA! Soccer hooligan! Totally with you on that one!

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