Take a wild guess what this is.
Think about it.
Okay. What did you come up with? A new product from Good Vibrations or Toys in Babeland? That's what would make the most sense, right? That would have been my guess. And I would have been wrong.
See, a company called "Materna" has developed a product to help prevent tearing during labor. Steely Dan there is inserted into your vagina - yes, your vagina, while in labor - and then expands gradually over a few hours. That's right, rather than focusing on helping women find more physiologically appropriate ways to push, including good positions and lack of directed valsalva pushing, they thought a mechanized, expanding dildo was a better idea.
Is it too early for April Fools?
I was tipped off to this by Navelgazing Midwife, who directed us to head over and take Materna's survey. I encourage you to do the same. It's hilariously gobsmacking. Here's one of their questions:
I answered: "Yes. One question. ARE WE ON THE SAME PLANET? Because the idea of laboring with a slowly expanding DILDO up my vagina is not something that makes any sense whatsoever. Your logic is not our Earth logic."
My favorite part is the very next one, though:
22) Do you have a color preference for the device?
I checked "Other", and suggested that it have Sarah Jessica Parker's face on it, since this product is much better suited to Sex & the City than a labor and delivery ward.
And I thought the hemorrhoid preventing device was bad enough. Can you even imagine using one, let along both? OMFG.